The only way that people can experience the benefits of forgiveness is to make the intensely personal journey themselves and freely choose to forgive. Pressuring or obligating people to forgive may do far more harm than good. A more positive approach can be taken by simply sharing your personal testimony about the value of forgiveness in your life, as well as your concern that a friend is suffering needlessly and forgiveness may help. Faith traditions consider forgiveness a
Dr. Everett Worthington, a psychologist who has researched forgiveness for decades, has developed a five-step process called REACH:
R is for Recall. Recall the events and the hurt as accurately and objectively as you can.
E is for Empathize. Try to understand what happened from the point of view of the person who wronged you.
A is for the Altruistic gift of forgiveness. Recall a time that you hurt someone else and were forgiven. And offer this gift to the person who wronged you.
For the way I’ve thought too much of myself
For the way I’ve been trusting in my flesh
For the way I’ve not come to you with tears and brokenness
For the way that I have made you small
For the way I’ve not noticed you at all
For my pride and fear that won’t let me surrender all
I need your mercy
I am not worthy
Without the cross
Oh, Lord come and wash me
From my head to my feet
I need you desperately
To forgive me
For the days that I love money more than You
Psychologist Everett Worthington Jr., a pioneer researcher in the field of forgiveness, constructed a 5-step model to facilitate the process of forgiveness. It is one of the techniques most favored by counselors specializing in forgiveness and reconciliation. Worthington has endured one of the most horrific traumas that a person ever experiences. His heroic struggle in coming to terms with such a brutal event and subsequent forgiveness of the perpetrators should be an inspiration to all.
Kyle Rees, 16, was killed during a school lunch break when the ball struck him as he walked across the playground.
His mum Tanya Cooper, 42, described the incident at Portchester School in Bournemouth, Dorset, as a ‘tragic accident’.
At the funeral he read a family tribute that stated: ‘Our hearts go out to Kyle’s friend and his family, he needs to know that not for one second would Kyle or any of his family want him to feel responsible for this tragic accident.
Tragic: Kyle Rees was f
Research findings point consistently to the conclusion that forgiveness is positively associated with well-being, quality of life, life satisfaction, gratitude, optimism, hope, trust, self-worth and positive beliefs. Forgiveness also affects and is negatively associated with emotional distress and negative affective states such as depression, anger, vengeance, anxiety, somatic symptoms, guilt and vulnerability. Gratitude, like forgiveness, has been shown to have positive associations with well-